I’m a mom now. I have a beautiful little girl. She has her father’s eyes. She has a tuft of thick hair on the back of her head, just like me, just like my mom. At night when we go to sleep, I change her diaper and I feed her, and afterwards I put her on my chest and pat her back to burp her. Then I lay back and let her fall asleep on my chest. I like having her sleep this way because I can hear her breathe. I’m terrified that she’ll suddenly stop breathing.
I love how my daughter brings people together. I’ve been fighting with my mom a lot lately. The fights have been so intense that without my daughter here they could be cause for bewilderment between us. But my daughter has been the good reason for us to settle our differences. Today we had a baby shower for her. We invited neighbors and old friends. An old friend came from jr. high, someone I haven’t even seen in maybe 8 years. I realized how much I used to care for this person, and how we can have a real friendship again if we tried. We just needed an excuse to try. My daughter was that reason.
I love my daughter’s big eyes, how they remind me of her father. I love the way her skin feels and the way her breathing sounds. She doesn’t speak yet and all she really does is feed, rest and empty the needs of her metabolism- so in a way I feel like she’s showing me only a sliver of herself. Right now she is needy and dependent, yet indifferent and not present. It sounds like a bad thing, but the fact that I love her so much even now even when she requires so much energy and attention… it just excites me for the day when she is able to speak and respond and engage and display her ideas.
I can’t wait to hear her sing.