Chantele shares her story of Toxic Shame regarding being donor-conceived. She cries when explaining the rejection she felt from her biological father, and his wife, and his children. Chantele has trouble recovering from feeling ashamed at the core of who she is. I would say to her, when your parents have committed a crime against you (and donor-conception is a crime against you) you need not feel ashamed about who you are. You never did anything wrong. But your father’s choice in abandoning you to strangers was wrong. And your mother’s choice in using your father like a tool was wrong. And both of their decisions to create a child with someone they don’t know nor love was wrong. And the fact that your parents don’t love each other is the source of your feelings of dissonance.
The solution is not to ask the entire world to accept donor-conception as normal.
The solution is to demand that people not abandon their children, not create children they’re not prepared to love, with other people they’re not prepared to love.
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