Category Archives: conferences

Chantele shares her story of Toxic Shame regarding being donor-conceived. She cries when explaining the rejection she felt from her biological father, and his wife, and his children. Chantele has trouble recovering from feeling ashamed at the core of who she is. I would say to her, when your parents have committed a crime against you (and donor-conception is a crime against you) you need not feel ashamed about who you are. You never did anything wrong. But your father’s choice in abandoning you to strangers was wrong. And your mother’s choice in using your father like a tool was wrong. And both of their decisions to create a child with someone they don’t know nor love was wrong. And the fact that your parents don’t love each other is the source of your feelings of dissonance.

The solution is not to ask the entire world to accept donor-conception as normal.
The solution is to demand that people not abandon their children, not create children they’re not prepared to love, with other people they’re not prepared to love.

More videos can be found here:
http://www.varta.org.au/experiences-of-donor-conception/

It Takes A Family to Raise A Village

Tomorrow morning I’ll be boarding a plane for San Diego, CA to attend a conference for 18-30 year-olds who are dedicated to improving marriage culture and encouraging couples, especially couples with children, to stay together and make it work out for the sake of their kids– because society depends on a secure population that trusts each other and is burdened with as few pathologies as possible. Stable families are the vehicle to arrive at that goal.

I’ve been asked to speak and I’ve taken a few days now to prepare my powerpoint presentation. I haven’t done a powerpoint presentation since college. And in fact I have a terrible memory of that occasion… I was procrastinating and inundated with projects and assignments. I took my presentation to a cafe where I’m friends with some of the waiters. When the cafe closed I offered to drive Hugo, one of the waiters home. After telling him about how stressed I was with work I declared “I really wish I could just take some meth or something to stay awake and pull an all-nighter.” He looked at me and asked, “Do you mean that?” Turns out Hugo used to be a meth addict and I had just triggered a craving. All I know is five minutes later we were in the tenderloin (San Francisco’s “bad” neighborhood) and he was hopping back into my car with the goods. I finished the presentation, but it was insane and profoundly narcissistic. I’m embarrassed, even now. After class, on the bus ride home, I was coming down off the drugs and someone stepped on my toe. I briefly considered murdering them. I mean that in all seriousness.

I never did meth again after that and it has served me well.

My life has changed dramatically since then. The conference will be comprised of socially conservative young people who understand that “the laissez-faire” family doesn’t work and creates a lot of pain for a lot of people.

Indeed it does.

I’ll have to figure out what to do with my daughter though while I attend. Can 1-year-olds stay home by themselves if you leave a troph of food and water?

Just kidding, lucky for V, I thought ahead and married the best father of all time.